


Poisonous Touch

by Isaac_McCa11



Category: DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: F/M, Hurt Dick Grayson, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, guess who is bitter!!!! it's me!!!!!!, look dick's gone through some shit & he needs help!!!!, nightwing 93
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 19:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12614284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isaac_McCa11/pseuds/Isaac_McCa11
Summary: Dick has a nightmare, dredging up unpleasant memories and insecurities, and Jason is determined to get him to talk about it, and help Dick for once.(probably hella ooc i'm so sorry)





	Poisonous Touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Crafty_Cracker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Crafty_Cracker/gifts).



> Edited 1/20/2018! Fixed up some stuff, hope it's better.  
> WARNING this talks about Mirage & Tarantula's (canon) rape of Dick, as well as Slade taking advantage of young (14 yr old) Dick Grayson (not canon) during his time as Renegade. Read with caution!

_“Quiet, mi amor…”_

_“You should have sensed the difference!”_

_“Now you will call me… Master.”_

_“That’s good… that's right…”_

_Mirage's fingers trailed down his body, her form shifting to Kori, to Catalina, to herself in a shimmer that hurt Dick to look at._

_“Don't.. I'm poisonous…” Dick protested against them, Kori and Barbara's hurt and disappointed faces looking down at him. He felt trapped- Catalina was pushing him down on a rooftop, there was rain, and Mirage was laughing, at him, at his stupidity. Slade was overlooking them, his exposed face amused at Dick's torment. Dick was covered in blood, and Barbara was telling him that they were done, that he could be with Catalina. Kori told him to leave her alone, crying that he had broken her trust. He didn't know what to do, didn't know what he_ could _do._

_“We're free now…” Catalina was telling him, her body rocking on his own. They both still had Blockbuster's blood on them, though the rain was beginning to wash it down, and Dick watched as the blood ran down the rooftop._

_“No!” He protested, struggling to get her off of him, struggling to get away. “No, don't_ touch _me-” He tried to cry out, but it was as if he had been paralyzed, he just couldn't move, he could only weakly protest, and Mirage was still giggling, her laughter and words mixing with Catalina's._

_“You can never replace me, Richard. Remember, I am your master, and you are my apprentice.” Slade said coldly, and Dick wanted to sob, he didn't want to remember this..._

Jason wasn't a stranger to nightmares. You don't die and crawl your way out of your own grave and not have any nightmares. He knew Dick wasn't a stranger to nightmares, either- he had been through a lot, Golden Boy; being in the superhero business since you were nine years old tended to do that. Both of them had seen each other during a nightmare, and had figured out when the other needed to be alone or when they needed someone there. And while Jason had seen Dick thrash around in his sleep, occasionally mumbling or yelling words that Jason could just barely understand, he hadn't seen Dick freeze and tense up in a long time.

Oh, Dick was still squirming around- the man was always moving it seemed- but he wasn’t thrashing around as much as he did during his normal nightmares, and that worried Jason. Dick was squirming as if someone was holding him down, as if he was trying to escape from an invisible weight. Dick was whimpering too, mumbling things that Jason only caught caught part of- “poison”, “don’t”, “stop”, and “sorry”. Jason gently shook Dick, not wanting to hurt the man, but knowing he needed to wake him up.

“Dick, wake up, it’s just a dream.” Jason told his boyfriend firmly, shaking him again.

_Catalina was holding him down, forcing him to listen to the cruel words his loved ones spat at him, Mirage’s fingers in his hair. Even Slade was next to Dick, his foot on Dick's neck as he smirked down at him._

_“Dick, you’re such a slut!” Roy yelled at him, holding Kori’s hand, while Kori glared daggers at Dick._

_“You_ betrayed _me. I am glad that we did not wed. You are a flirt, and you only bring pain and sorrow to the ones you claim to love.” Kori told him._

_“God, Dick, just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you have to flirt with everything with a pulse.” Barbara told him in disgust._

_“You are too weak, too stupid to be associated with me. I know what you did, who you_ murdered _. You aren't welcome back. I should never have taken you in- I should have let Deathstroke have you.” Bruce told him coldly, and Dick heard Mirage’s laugh echo around the words. Dick tried to apologize to all of them, but then Mirage’s mouth was on his own, cutting off his words. He felt like he was suffocating, as if the two women were squeezing all the oxygen from his lungs, while Slade's foot pressed into his throat, cutting off any air. When Mirage finally released him, the others were gone, and Jason was there, glowering down at him._

 _“You let me_ die _, and then you couldn’t even bother to show up to the funeral-”_

_‘No, Jason, I didn’t know!’ Dick wanted to shout, but no words came out, and Jason continued._

_“-and you flirt with_ everything _. Why would I trust you, why would I date you?” Jason scoffed down at him, and Dick wanted to cry. “How_ could _I ever trust you, after what you did to Babs and Kori?”_

“Dick! Dick, wake up, it’s just a dream!” Jason said a little louder, shaking the squirming man.

_“Which of us will you choose, my apprentice?” Slade sneered down at Dick._

_“We can be free…” Catalina murmured in his ear. “Mm, that’s right, baby…” Dick wanted to push her off of him, wanted to fight back, but he couldn’t_ move _and Slade's laughter was echoing everywhere-_

“DICK!” Jason yelled, and Dick gasped awake, forgetting where he was and who was with him. Instinctively, Dick pulled away from the hands on his shoulders, putting his own hands up as if to protect himself.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Dick yelled as he shot away from his boyfriend, breathing heavily. “Don’t touch me- I’m poison- Don’t-” Dick spoke quickly, his bright blue eyes darting around and taking in his surroundings. Jason wasn't sure how to help his boyfriend; Dick was usually all about touch. Whenever he needed comfort, he would curl up into Jason, or stroke Jason's hair, just needed touch. So for Dick to reject touch for comfort, to reject touch at all, was setting off alarm bells in Jason's head.

“Okay, I won't touch you, promise. What happened, Dickiebird?” Jason asked a little helplessly. He had no idea what to do here, or what was even going on.

“No, I'm- I'm poison…” Dick trailed off as he slowly got his breathing under control again. He seemed to remember where he was and who he was with. Dick finally looked at Jason, looking at him for the first time since he had woken.

“What happened, Dick? What were you dreaming about?” Jason asked.

“Oh, I… I don't remember.” Dick lied, looking away from Jason’s eyes.

“Bullshit. You're the one who is always saying that you gotta talk about this shit, remember?” Jason reminded him.

“I don't… I don't remember the dream anymore. I just remember that I felt trapped.” Dick lied again, hoping that giving a bare minimum answer would make Jason drop it. Luckily, Jason could tell that pushing Dick to talk about it would only make the situation worse, so he reluctantly nodded, hating that Dick wouldn't just tell him what was going on.

“... Okay. You don't have to tell me. Are you coming back to bed?” Jason asked. Sometimes after a bad nightmare, the pair would end up staying awake for the rest of the night, drinking coffee and watching reruns of SVU or Psych, whatever they could find. Dick slowly shook his head.

“No, I don't think so… I think I'll go for a run.” Dick got to his feet, and Jason didn't miss how his body kept trembling. “You go back to sleep, though. You need it.” Dick smiled at him and got dressed in sweats. “I'll be back by sunrise.” Dick grinned at Jason, a weak and insincere grin, but still a grin. Then Dick left, and Jason was confused, tired, and a little upset.

 

~

 

For the next few months, Jason kept a closer eye on Dick. He knew that Dick was hiding something, but he just wasn't sure _what_. But until he found out, he would support Dick and make sure the guy didn't do something to get himself killed.

Dick had been quieter during those few months. He still made bad puns, laughed loudly, cuddled up to Jason while watching movies, but Dick just seemed… distant. As if his heart wasn't really in it. They still had sex, but sometimes it seemed as if Dick was just having sex with him because he thought it was what Jason wanted. Which it was, but only if Dick wanted it, too. Jason kept trying to get Dick to talk to him, but the older man would just brush off his concerns, insisting that he was fine.

Dick couldn't hold out forever, though, and eventually he would reach his breaking point. Jason just hoped to be able to comfort him in the fall out.

Three months after the nightmare found the Red Hood and Nightwing about to attack Scarecrow, who had been improving his fear gas into not only bringing your fears to life, but bringing back memories and forcing the victim to relive the event that caused the fear, until the victim eventually went mad.

Unfortunately, when they crashed through the window (subtlety was never Jason's strong point), Scarecrow was gone, but there were bombs placed strategically around them, and the minute they entered, the bombs hissed, releasing the green gas.

“I'm so happy you will be able to be my test subjects! I hope it is a complete success.” Scarecrow's voice rang in from a walkie talkie of some sort, followed by laughter. Jason's mask filtered out the gas, making it safe for him to breathe, but Dick didn't have the same type of mask. Dick quickly tried to hold his breath and pull out the gas mask required whenever going to face Scarecrow, but the toxin had already started in Dick's lungs. He cursed and managed to secure the gas mask, managing to prevent the gas from further entering his system. He was so stupid, why hadn't he come in wearing the mask?! No, wait, he knew why: it made it harder to fight by blocking parts of his vision, and Dick had been expecting a fight.

“Let's get outta here, 'Wing.” Jason said, already shooting out the grappling hook. Dick agreed, and flung himself out the window. He heard Jason yell at him to shoot out the hook first for Christ's sake, but Dick really loved the falling before he shot out the line. After a few moments of free falling, Dick shot out the grappling hook and swung over to the next rooftop, where Jason was clearly anxious and unhappy.

“Do you have to do that every time?” Jason asked Dick, half serious and half joking.

“What can I say? Old habits die hard.” Dick grinned at Jason before his blood ran cold. Standing behind Jason was Deathstroke, holding a large gun.

“‘Wing? What's wrong? Did you breathe in the fear toxin?” Jason was immediately on alert. The blood had suddenly drained from Dick's face, and he was looking beyond Jason. Jason turned around, expecting an enemy, but there was nothing at all.

“Deathstroke. He's right behind you.” Dick whispered.

“Nightwing, it's just the gas, there's nothing there!” Jason told him urgently. Dick blinked, and Slade was gone. He let out a sigh of relief.

“Let's go home.” Dick told Jason.

“Do we have the antidote for the toxin at home?” Jason asked. He hated to go to the Manor for anything, but he would of it meant helping Dick.

“Yes, it's with the stuff for Ivy's toxins.” Jason couldn't see Dick's eyes through the mask, but he was pretty sure he had just rolled his eyes at him. “Let's go.” Dick shot out the grappling hook and swung to the next building, Jason following close behind.

By the time they arrived at their apartment, the visions were getting much worse for Dick. The minute he crashed through their window, he gasped for breath, curling in on himself on the floor. Jason didn't know what Dick was seeing, experiencing, but he knew that Dick needed the antidote FAST. So Jason rushed to their aid kit and started rummaging through the multiple bottles of antidotes. He could hear Dick gasping, pleading for his attackers to stop, but Jason wasn't sure exactly Dick wanted them to stop doing. He managed to catch a few names out of Dick's cries- Catalina and Slade. Finally, Jason found the fear toxin bottle and injected it into a syringe. Carefully, Jason rushed back to Dick's side, and stabbed the needle into Dick's wrist. Dick squirmed away from Jason, tears falling down his face as he struggled against invisible captors. After a few minutes, Dick began to calm down again. Apparently Scarecrow hadn't changed the fundamentals of his toxin, and their antidote would still work. The pair sat in silence for a few minutes before Jason broke the silence.

“So who did you see?” He asked bluntly. “And don't try to bullshit me, I heard you say names.”

“Then why are you asking?” Dick snapped at Jason. He was tired and everything hurt; he really didn't want to talk about this.

“What happened?! And don't try and tell me you don't remember, because you've been acting weird since that nightmare you had. What the fuck happened, Dickiebird?!?” Jason asked, looking at Dick with worry and agitation. Dick remained silent, looking away from Jason. “You're the one who always insists that we need to talk about stuff, remember Dickhead? So follow your own advice for once and _talk_.” Jason said firmly. He wasn't backing down this time, and no way was Dick weaseling out of talking. Not this time.

“I saw Slade- Deathstroke- and Tarantula.” Dick finally said softly.

“Is Tarantula Catalina? That's the other name you were saying.” Jason asked, trying to get all the pieces put together.

“Yes.” Dick nodded.

“And what was happening?” Jason prompted- Dick was really planning on being as difficult as possible, wasn't he.

“It's stupid, really. It happened a while ago, and it's just dumb-”

“Dick. What happened with Slade and Tarantula.” Jason cut off Dick's ramblings with an intense look. Dick stiffened, ready to bolt in a second. Maybe he should just take off, he could still get out on patrol, he didn't have to face the consequences just yet. But it was as if Jason knew exactly what Dick was thinking, and honestly, Jason probably did have a pretty good idea.

“Please. Let me help you.” Jason said in a soft voice, and that was what broke through Dick's internal freak out. Okay. He could do this. He could do this.

“Do you remember… a few years ago, when my apartment building in Bludhaven was blown up?” Dick started, and that wasn't really what Jason was expecting, but he would go with it.

“Yeah, that was that Blockbuster guy, right?” Jason asked. He vaguely remembered that. Dick hadn't really been on his radar at that point, so he hadn't been paying much attention.

“Yeah. Roland Desmond, was his name.” Dick took another deep breath, and Jason reached out to hold him. “No! Don't.. don't touch me, Jay. I can't… no. I'm sorry.” Dick apologized for flinching away and Jason immediately backed off.

“I didn't save his mom. He blamed me for her death, and he wanted revenge. He found out my secret identity, blew up my apartment building, and he made sure that I knew that… that no one would be safe around me. Any person I talked to off the street, he would kill. Anyone I knew. I was a mess, Jason. A real mess.” Dick closed his eyes, shifting to lean against the wall. “And at the time, Catalina and I were working together. And Babs broke up with me, and it was just…. Me and Catalina. So when Blockbuster made that threat, and she told me to move aside, I did. I did, and she _shot_ and _killed_ him. She murdered him and it was my fault, I shouldn't have moved, it's _my fault_ he died.” Dick clenched his fists together, his knuckles white. “But after, we went up to the roof. It was raining. And I must have led her on, I must have flirted with her, or _something,_ because she… she pushed me down and I couldn't _think_ , everything was just too much, and both of us still had his blood on us… And she pushed me down, and unzipped my suit, and she kept telling me that we'd be free…” Dick trailed off, and Jason felt white hot rage boil inside him.

“She _raped_ you, Dick. That's not your fault. And you didn't kill Blockbuster, _she_ did. None of that is on you.” Jason told him intensely, praying that Dick would accept it.

“I could have fought her off. I could have gotten away. I didn't do anything.” Dick said miserably, and Jason was going to murder Tarantula. Later though; right now, his boyfriend needed him. “She was part of the reason Babs broke up with me. Babs thought that I was seeing Catalina on the side… I never cheated on Babs, not once!” Dick swore, looking at Jason to understand and damn, that was brutal. “It was just like Mirage all over again. If I was a better detective, if I wasn't-”

“Wait. Who's Mirage?” Jason cut Dick off again. The guy was spiraling and getting off point, and Jason didn't know if Dick would ever talk about this again. He knew it was better to just rip the band-aid off, get it over with.

“Mirage was a long time ago. When I was dating Kori. It doesn't matter, I shouldn't have mentioned her.” Dick looked like he was beating himself up about it.

“Dick. What. Happened.” Jason said slowly, refusing to let it go.

“Mirage took Kori's form, and I slept with her. Kori and I broke up after. I should have known.” Dick laughed bitterly. “I was raised by the world's greatest detective, and I _still_ couldn't tell the difference between my own girlfriend and an impostor.” Jason was seething at this point. Dick had been taken advantage of twice, and no one had done anything?!? And he was so disappointed in Kori. She should have known better than to blame Dick for that. Jason was going to look Mirage up, and shoot her kneecaps out. Try and trick someone without knees, asshole.

But as great as the daydreams of attacking them were, there was still one more person that Dick hadn't mentioned. And the way this conversation had been going, and from what Jason knew of Slade and Dick's relationship, it wasn't going to be good. But Dick had to talk about it and had to get it out. He was shaking, trembling, and Jason wanted more than anything to hold Dick and comfort him. Jason restrained himself- he wouldn't touch Dick until he gave him the okay.

“You don't… you don't have to talk about Slade.” Jason said quietly. He wanted to know, of course he wanted to know, but he didn't want to push Dick anymore. Not tonight.

“No I think… I think it's time… Just promise you won't tell Bruce. Won't tell anyone.” Dick turned to look Jason in the eyes, his own manic.

“No, Dick. I won't tell anyone.” Jason promised. It wasn't his story to tell.

“When I was on the Teen Titans… Slade was obsessed with me becoming his apprentice. I was obsessed with bringing him down. At one point, Slade infected the team with nanites that would kill them by electrocution. If I didn't join him, he would kill them all. So… I did. I became his apprentice. They called me Renegade.” Dick spat the name out like a slug. Jason realized that this happened before he became Robin, so while Dick was still fairly young. Unease twisted in his gut at the thought.

“He wanted me to be like him, to kill for money. He wanted to make sure I couldn't ever go back to being Bat’s 'sidekick’ again. He taught me how to shoot. I worked under him for _weeks_. He made me call him 'master’.” Dick paused to take a moment to collect himself. He had to tell someone, it was just festering inside and slowly killing him. He needed to do this.

“He wanted to break me, make me well and truly his. And afterwards… afterwards, Jay, it was awful. But I was able to form a plan to escape. But I couldn't bring myself to tell Bruce what happened. I thought Bruce would hate me. I thought he would be so disgusted with what I had done, that he'd effectively disown me, and I knew he would be right to do so. I don't know if he'll _ever_ wash out.” Jason's heart was hammering in his chest, the sound roaring in his ears. Dick hadn't said specifics, but Jason was no dummy, he could guess what Dick meant. He was going to murder Deathstroke, murder him for what he had done to Dick. He was going to shoot him in the groin and let him bleed out, shoot him and kick him as many times as he could. That man… that _monster_ was going to pay.

The rage roaring in Jason's ears was demanding blood, screaming that Jason take those bastards out for good, and that was much more pressing. Jason stood up, only to have Dick latch onto his arm.

“Dick, get off. I'm going to give those bastards what they deserve.” Jason hissed.

“Jason, _no._ ” Dick shook his head frantically. “It happened a long time ago, it doesn't matter anymore-”

“Of course it fucking matters! They took advantage of a- of a fucking _kid_! I don't care how trained you were, how much of a badass, you were still a kid!”

“I was an adult, not a kid!” Dick defended, which made the roaring grow louder. Dick was actually _defending_ those despicable creatures!?

“Yeah? Then why were you on the _Teen_ Titans?!?” Jason demanded. “And I never heard about Slade before. I can't believe Bruce didn't do _anything_.” Dick remained silent in response. He had been a kid, only 14 years old, and it had hurt that Bruce hadn't taken Slade out. Dick had wondered if he really did matter to the man at all, or if he really was just a charity case.

“Jason, you _died_. And I'm here complaining about… about _sex!_  Everyone knows I love sex, I've slept with half of the people on my teams!” Dick looked at Jason, a weird light in his eyes that Jason might have seen if he hadn't been seeing green.

“You know it wasn't sex, Dick. Don't belittle this.” Jason growled, looking murderous. Dick clung to Jason's arm, restraining the man from leaving to go murder the three.

“Jason, stop! Don't do this. Please. I trusted you enough to tell you this, and I trusted that you wouldn't murder them. Don't let me down.” Dick looked him in the eyes, and Jason felt some of the anger recede. It was true. He needed to be here with Dick more than he needed to murder those bastards.

“...Can I hug you?” Jason asked softly, regaining control slowly. Dick nodded and Jason pulled Dick close to him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man, hoping to just block out the rest of the world, hoping to make this night just a little bit better. Dick clutched Jason's leather jacket, burying his head into his shoulder. He felt tears prickling in his eyes, threatening to fall, but Dick was determined to hold them back. Jason just held him, and they sat that way for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes.

“What happened is _not your fault_ , at all. Don't blame yourself. Nobody deserves that, and not you. You didn't deserve it. It's not your fault.” Jason told Dick in a soft voice, and that was what made the dam break. Dick started sobbing into Jason's shoulder, probably ruining the nice leather jacket with salt and tears. He hadn't even realized how much he had needed to tell someone, how much these secrets had been weighing him down. He didn't realize how much he had been craving hearing someone tell him that it wasn't his fault.

He didn't really believe it, of course. Years of blaming himself for what he did with Slade were too ingrained in him at this point, and it was going to take a long time before Dick could believe that it was entirely Slade's fault. Dick did blame him partially for what had happened, and he knew that it was Slade's fault more than his. But he still felt partially responsible, felt like he hadn't fought back hard enough.

But overall, he was so _tired_. So tired of always being the one to blame, tired of having people grabbing his ass and making lewd comments, tired of people joking about him as if he were an _object_ and not a real person.

So Dick cried into Jason's shoulder until he couldn't cry anymore, until he had no more tears left to cry. He cried until exhaustion finally tore through him, pulling down on him, and he could barely lift his body. Jason slowly, reluctantly, let go of Dick.

“We should change out of our uniforms.” He said quietly, hoping to alleviate the tension just a little bit. Dick snorted in surprise at the words, not expecting that. But Jason was right, they should. Shakily, Dick pulled away and stood up. The pair made it to their bedroom, changing out of their uniforms and into clean clothes. Dick curled up on the bed first, and Jason got into bed next to him. Dick pulled Jason close, curling into the man he loved, and he felt that it was going to be okay. He was going to be okay.

“I love you,” he murmured against Jason’s chest.

“I love you too.” Jason responded, holding Dick tightly, like he would never let him go, and Dick felt his own body relax and melt into the warmth around him.

He was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh.... I am sorry? mainly I'm sorry for it being ooc lol


End file.
